Hard Wired

Our response to pleasant, unpleasant and neutral experience are very much hard wired. Eating good food, pleasant. Being criticized or getting sick, unpleasant. It sounds so natural. If we feel otherwise, that must be close to insanity!

Not being appreciated for good work, I felt resentment and aversion. This made me upset and turn into a cranky person that cannot make sound judgement. The outcome is suffering, not what we want but we get ourselves into this. Before the resentment feeling set in, I have a chance to control how I feel and get out from this wheel of suffering. Recognize this is unpleasant. Leave it at that and don't own the experience. Say to myself, I am glad that I have the opportunity do the work and I am satisfy with it. Hence I avoided turning into an angry person, suffer, make poor judgement and suffer more. I control my own experience. My very awaring mind can re-do the wiring and get out of the wheel of suffering before it happen.

Extend this to larger context and by the same logic, I can get out of the wheel of samasa by not getting into desire or aversion. I think this is related to the 12 links of dependent origination. I think it is a good start of my understanding.

Being mindful means we catch these moments and do the right thing. Understanding is one thing, being mindful and do the right thing take lot and lot of practice. Now, I understand what is being mindful mean. Being aware of the moment and avoid falling into the suffering trap. Being mindful mean being aware that I am able to be reborn into a cranky and resentful person and get out of that being it grab me.

Changes

Changes are the only constant and sure thing in life. It is a catchy phrase but we all learned that is true. Of course, we attach to things that bring us pleasure, satisfaction and pride. This kinds of attachment make changes painful and bring suffering. Embrace change. Things are just fine as it is. Experience no gain nor loss when changes, either with desire or aversion.

Split Second

I can't get enough of reading and re-reading of the book "how to be sick". So much wisdom coming from author's personal experience.

The split second between the experience of an unpleasant encounter and the negative reaction to it, there is a way out of suffering. We can acknowledge the unpleasant experience and just leave it at that. Treat it as just hundreds of such unpleasant moments that will come and go. We cannot avoid the experience, getting yelled at, will no doubt be unpleasant. We can acknowledge it and not react negatively. Before we know it, we have moved on to one of the thousands of contact in a day. Why linger with hard feeling or even plot for revenge?

This is a profound realization. I understand and even able to practice this in some occasions. However, I find this hard to master. Just think about how many times I get upset in a day, I know I have way to go. I shall see the obstacles coming my way are chances for me to practice.

Today I was engaging in a conversation and thought I was being snapped it. I reacted and raised my voice. I missed the split second and suffered mentally. I realized that a few seconds later and made amend to the conversation. I shall catch all these situations and note them done.

Nothing Changes For Real

Things not quite happened my way at work today. There are a lot of reasons to be upset, at others and myself. Well, it is practice time for Zen. Heard quite a few stories of others. Nothing does better than my own experience. I have a small awakening. It seems some of my responsibilities are being taken away. Well, look at it the other way, I am getting help. I should be grateful instead of feeling dissatisfied. I can choose to be upset, or I can choose to be thankful. It is all my mental construct. Nothing really change either way I choose to react. Observation: our feeling are entirely base on our thoughts, there is no solid substance to it. We can extend this to other things. Our thoughts form our experience, our habit and our identification (false self). In actuality, there is nothing real to it. If we can see through this, we can relief mental suffering which is a far greater dukka than physical pain.

A quote from a sutra come to mind that summed up this awakening nicely.
"Experience neither gain nor loss".